Do you fashion yourself the next Carl Lewis?

Do you sing the national anthem before every family dinner?

Are you tone deaf?

If you answered yes to any or all of these, then the Miami Heat want you for their latest ridiculous promotion.

Anthem Idol is a one day audition at American-Airlines Arena on Saturday, October 13th at 10:00 a.m. The Miami Heat are auditioning for people to sing the National Anthem at this year’s Heat home games.

You have instruments, bring ‘em.

However, only acapella singing (get out of here ‘techno voice-box guy’).

No longer than 90 seconds, and if you want to sing ‘Oh, Canada’ you’re more than welcome (but everyone will look at you funny and you may get punched by an overly-patriotic drunk).

The (unconfirmed) judges for Athem Idol:

Wilt Chamberneezy

“Dog, that was good dog, but maybe if you changed it up. Used some of the lines from my smash hit: What’s Up Doc (can we rock):

Now who’s the first pick? me, word is born and
Not a Christean Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning
That’s okay, not being bragadocious
Supercalifragelistic, Shaq is alidocious ”

#1 Heat Fan Jimmy Buffett

“MOTHERF***IN HORRIBLE-A** SINGERS! RUINING THE S*** OUT OF MY COUNTRY’S NATIONAL G**DAMED ANTHEM. PIECES OF HORSES**T! I BET THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH THAT C***BAG REFEREE JOE FORTE! C***SU**ER DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM! CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE MOTHERF***ER!”

Burnie

*silence*

So come on down to American Airlines arena. Who knows, if you sing well enough (or if you have surgical ‘enhancements’) you can be the next to get the address to Wilt Chamberneezy’s ‘Ho-Tel.