For those who didn’t know… the Diesel has his own blog. Yep, and he’s not very happy about everyone drinking the Kool-Aid regarding his lackluster play. He’s quick to tell all us “earthlings” all about it.

Now, I know that Joe Earthling is thinking: “Shaq, I respectfully question your algebra, because the Miami Heat are technically 1-5.” To that, I am thinking: “Shut up, bitch.”
Shaq’s Palatial Statisticians have just reported that if you factor in the injury to Dwayne Wade, the cheating refs, the racist commissioner and the surprising play of Udonis Haslem, we should be 6-1. And yes, I added a game to that tally because, dude, have you been watching Udonis Haslem?

Consider yourself schooled, Earthlings. Except, now I know you’re thinking: “Shaq, you’re not shattering records left and right.” Oh really, Mr. Genius in your Science Tower? What do you call my average of one foul every 8 minutes, which completely SHATTERS last year’s average of one foul every 8.11 minutes?

Okay, so its a fake blog… but really, this is a great take I’m sure would come straight from Big Aristotle himself. Mainly because he did call all of us “earthlings”….  and wants to let us know, he’s on the Kareem career slope

I’m still the baddest [expletive] in the world,” Shaq said. “Yeah, I’m getting older, but Kareem got older. Hakeem got older.

“I don’t need Earthlings’ respect. When it’s all said and done, my name will be there and it will be mentioned … unless you Earthlings try to erase it.”

So to summarize: Shaq is an alien.